My 2009 Dream Board

originally posted on Aug 7, 2009

I’ve always been a believer of love. I guess you can say I am a romantic having grown up reading adolescent books that tell the perfect love stories (how could I forget the happily ever after love stories told in Sweet Dreams books?) and have always been a sucker for romantic movies or tv series wherein often I find myself relating to the heroine in the stories and daydreaming I’ll have the same perfect love story.

The life timeline I drafted for myself in my teens is an obvious testament as well of my belief in love. Meet the man of my dreams at 20, get married at 25, have kids at 26, be a housewife after. My life’s vision ended at that – sharing a good life with the love of my life and raising our kids the rest of my life. There was never a vision of the kind of career I’ll have or want. My life’s fulfillment has always been tied up to my being a wife and a mother. It has always been just that.

One would expect after my marriage, this vision would have changed, right? But reading the 2009 Dream Board I wrote down on January 2009, apparently I still could only dream for the same thing I dreamt for when I was younger. The difference though is this dream may be more difficult to achieve now. Others may think given my “excess baggage” this is an impossible dream altogether, but me, I still want to remain hopeful. Not ideal but just enough to get me through a relatively happy and peaceful life.

Earlier in 2009, as you will see in my dream board below, I was still wishing for a perfect love. But now, I can’t get myself to wish the same thing anymore as it’s too ideal and somewhat unrealistic already. At this point in my life, I no longer wish for a perfect love, just a perfect companion in life. I am still a believer of love as I still see the happily ever after stories I read or watch come into life with my friends. But for me, I don’t want to go as far as that and believe it can still happen to me as I may just be fooling myself.

But if it happens, I would be thankful. If not, I will still be thankful nonetheless.

My idea of a perfect love has changed thru time. It’s still love – a love that comes, not with the ideal, but with lowered expectations I guess. Others may find this thought sad but for me, I am just being realistic. I have had high hopes before about love and have painted a picture so blissful, so perfect, that with an imperfection, it was instantly tarnished and deemed unredeemable. I still want love, just not the kind that’s giddy and makes me afloat, just the right measure that I still keep myself grounded and real. A little bit of happiness is all I ask for now. Just that and I’ll be okay.

2009 Dream Board
I dream of a loving and complete family of my own. I dream of finding the perfect father figure for Bea, a man deserving to be just that and my partner in life. I wish to find that person who will bring out the best in me the same way that I bring out the best in him…someone who truly loves and respects me, loves and cares for Bea as if she’s his own…someone who I can be comfortable with and at the same time be passionate with…someone with whom I can share my dreams and with his love and support, all will become a reality. I dream of unconditional love, the kind of love that knows no boundaries, accepting and forgiving no matter how trying the situation may be, nurturing and enriching and with that love, I can only become better and stronger.

I dream of a secured, peaceful and happy life for Bea. I wish to give her the kind of life I got accustomed to – that and much more. I dream of enrolling her in the finest schools – ICA/Poveda/CS/Chinese International School/Assumption and Ateneo de Manila University. I dream she’ll grow up to be the kind of person she is destined to be – God fearing, successful, happy and loved. I dream she will love the world and the world will love her back. I dream to shield her from the same heartaches I went through in my own life but if not, if one day she finds her heart broken the same as mine did years ago, I wish she will learn from her mistakes, pick herself up, bring herself out unscathed, stronger and better, whole and not broken.

I dream I’ll only grow smarter as the years pass by, to finally learn to let go, move on from my mistakes and just start over. I dream of happiness, peace and serenity, of love, faith and trust. I dream of finally letting go of my past, living my life now with full acceptance and looking forward to my future – not with sadness, but with hope, not with tears, but only with smiles and laughter.