Twenty Something and Still Single?

Find a fabulous job. Meet a great guy. Fall in love. Stay in a committed relationship. Get engaged. Marry. Have kids. Resign from job. Be a full-time wife and mom.

Many women (at least myself and many of my friends), have the above goals in mind immediately after college graduation. Some of the goals may not be applicable for all (for example, there are women who would never dare be a housewife) but most often than not, falling in love and getting married are always part of a woman’s equation for a good life. I believe us girls spend our adolescence/teenagehood cooking up in our head the ingredients of a perfect guy then come twenty-something years, we start actively seeking for that perfect guy then once in a relationship or married, we realize there is no such thing as perfect guy (why do I say this? Because no matter how nice, loving or understanding your significant other/husband is, there will always be something, even just one tiny matter, you will not agree on).

Now, most women would want to get married before 30. Probably a factor here is biological because they say it is already hard to get pregnant after 30. You will be surprised how this idea can cause smart, beautiful, independent, fulfilled twenty-something women to panic. I have seen this now in many of my friends. The ones who are single now, past their mid-twenties, are so afraid they will never find “The One”. These women are easy to forget how beautiful they are inside and out as they are caught up in the panic, in the fear of being alone for the rest of their lives. They often say, if they are that beautiful inside and out, why the hell then don’t they have boyfriends? I even have this friend who would go to the extreme of migrating to Canada just because she thinks she has more chances of finding a date there than here in Manila. That’s how desperate women can get when they find themselves in their late twenties and still single.

I smile or laugh now when I hear their stories or witness their panic attacks, but it was not long ago that I was actually one of them. At 24 years old, I was short of having a nervous breakdown with the thought I would never find a boyfriend and would grow old an old-maid and die alone. And then I met your dad (the story of our first meeting will be an entry all by itself). It was at a time when I was so stressed with work and I couldn’t care less about my then non-existent lovelife. It was funny because all those previous years that I wanted to have a boyfriend, I didn’t get one but then at a point when I didn’t even gave it a thought, your dad entered my life. Love is really funny and mysterious that way. You will really never know when it will come in your life and sometimes or most often than not, it comes to you at the most unexpected moment.

So my sweetie, keep the above thought in mind when you find yourself twenty-something and still single. It may be inevitable still that you will find yourself desperate BUT, when you do remember the following:

• Being single doesn’t mean you can’t be fabulous. Take this time to explore, discover new things, soak as much experience and fun as you can out of life. Keep in mind that during your single-blessedness, you are to make yourself whole and complete all on your own. Get to know yourself better. Only after that can you really enter into a relationship.
• Having a man in your life is not a measure of your looks or how beautiful you are as a person. If no guy is courting you now, then it just means you are surrounded with men who have poor taste. Never forget that you are beautiful. When no man comes your way, it doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you. God may not have allowed you to meet him yet just because you are not ready.
• Never settle for anyone just because you want to have a boyfriend. You will know you are with a person you can be in a relationship with when everything feels right, when you are not compromising anything for that man or for the relationship.
• Along the way, you will find yourself suffering in dates that will make you all the more long for the perfect someone. Remember though that God made you meet these “wrong” men as a learning tool -- for you to know what you really want in a man and what would be a perfect fit for you.

I think your Ninang Tegs best describes the state of being single at twenty-something. She told this to your Ninang Dianne:
“We know we can't settle for anything just because it's comfortable. There are a million things to do and a million others to care about. We can only wish we have enough time in our single lives to do that.”

So there my Bea, don’t fret because there are a million other things you can do besides worry. You’re grand. You’re fabulous. Enjoy single life while you can!