I’m at a point when I have lost the capacity to feel. I am numb. I never thought I would ever find myself in this place. I have always been the kind of person who is full of life, always game for anything and everything, never fails to be in touch with my emotions and make sense of my thoughts and the circumstances of life I find myself in.
But now, I think all the variety of emotions I went through the past years have taken their toll on me. I found myself in a whirlwind of emotions the last three years of my life. I’ve been in the highest of the highs and the lowest of the lows and all other emotions that fall in between. It’s as if I have felt in those years all kinds of emotions there are that any human being are capable of feeling. So now it’s as if I got too tired of feeling already. It’s as if I am just letting my life get hold of me. I am no longer in control of it. I am just letting myself be – passively waiting for what else is there to come in my life.
It’s not good. I want to feel like my old self again. Er, scratch that. I NEED to be my old self again. That’s why now, more than ever, I need to surround myself with friends and family who will remind me of my old self, of who I was and how good my life was before I found myself in such a mess.
I am lost and need to be found again.
Let Me Fall
It’s October again
The leaves are coming down
One more year’s come and gone
And nothing’s changed at all
Wasn’t I supposed to be someone
To face the things that I’ve been running from
Let me feel
I don’t care if I break down
Let me fall
Even if I hit the ground
And if I cry a little, die a little
At least I know I lived
Just a little
I’ve become much too good
At being invincible
I’m an expert at play it safe
And keep it cool
But I swear
This isn’t who I meant to be
I refuse to let my life roll over me
I wanna be somebody
Who can face the things that I’ve been running from
Let me feel
I don’t care if I break down
Let me fall
Even if I hit the ground
And if I cry a little, die a little
At least I know I lived
It’s October again
Leaves are coming down
One more year’s come and gone
And nothing’s changed at all
4 comments:
love, you've always been vibrant and full of life. nothing is going to change that. if you do need to recharge a little, do take the time to do so. you're welcome to visit and stay with me here in singapore to get away from it all, even just for a few days. gather ur thoughts while you're here and promise to come back renewed and with a clearer mind.
love, joy
p.s. been trying to text/call you but i haven't gotten any response. i'm not sure if i still got the right number. same with annamen.
awww joy, thanks for the note. i wasn't expecting it so i guess that was the reason i burst into tears after reading it. it overwhelms me still to know i have such good friends as you. i am so thankful na even if you're miles away, you're still there for me. thank you joy! i promise i'll be back to my old self soon and i'm sure to visit you girls there. if not before the year ends, early next year. mwah! i love you girl! :D
have you been calling or texting me? i haven't received any calls or messages from you. must be my phone was out of reach at that time. my number is still 0917-8561212.
lo-ve, i know you're going through a lot, if you need anything, even if i'm miles away, i'm always here for you. i'm just an email away. hope you got my email... take care girl, and stay strong. i know you will get past this.
thanks queena! i love you girl! even if you're miles away, you have no idea how much i feel your support. your letter comforted me sobra. :D
i wish you were here...mwah!
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