Bliss

My entry for today is an idea I got from reading my friends’ blogs. Many have created a list of things that make them happy so now I am creating one myself, being gaya-gaya and all that. Nakikiuso!

As I was creating this list though, I realized it was kinda hard for me to think of things that make me happy which inadvertently then sends a warning signal in my brain. Does this mean I am a generally unhappy person, who has difficulty finding things that make her happy or just the type difficult to please overall? Hmmm…as far as I can remember, I always had that reputation of being difficult to please, even when I was still a baby. I seldom smile actually, a trait I carried all throughout my college years that eventually branded me as suplada or a bitch. It takes a lot for me to get amused or ecstatic. I really don’t know the reason behind this and as it might take a lot of psychoanalysis to unravel the mystery, I won’t dwell on that anymore. Basta, all my life, I was really never the type who’s mababaw ang kaligayahan. It takes a lot to make me laugh out loud.

But good thing, after college, I slowly turned this side of my personality around. It got easier for me to be happy in a group or get excited over something, even if it’s as simple as sharing a dessert with good friends or having long talks with someone. I like to think then that as I grow older, as I mature, I realize that there are so many reasons to be happy about life. That life is just too short to be grumpy and bitchy and bratty all the time. That being happy is not a consequence of what someone did for you or told you but is rather something you can find within yourself. Happiness doesn’t have to be triggered by an external factor. It is something that you can feel bubbling up from your insides, from the deepest of your heart, with no tangible reason or cause.

Hmm…I guess then that is the reason why it’s so hard for me to come up with a list. For at this point in my life, there is really nothing specific that makes me happy. I am just at that state where all is well, and even if it’s not, it just doesn’t matter. I am still happy regardless. I really can’t explain it well. Or then again, this just might be the state I have longed to be in for so long. I guess I am finally here. I have reached that end which makes me whole. I have found my peace.

• A nice long body massage
• Foot spa!
• Beach – just staring off at the sea, thinking of nothing, worrying about nothing…
• Super loaded ice cream with lots of toppings – nuts, brownies, cookies, no marshmallows…yummmm…
• A piece of super moist chocolate cake or the humongous Mango Bravo cake by Conti’s
• Goldilock’s eggpie
• Pan de Manila ensaymada (this is the type of ensaymada na you normally see in regular bakeries or panederia lang)
• Custard cake from this bakeshop in Greenhills which also sells those cubed hopias straight from the oven…hmmm…what’s the name of that bakeshop nga?
  (stop! wait lang ha!, almost everything in my list has to do with food ah! Shucks! No wonder I’m this fat na! huhuhu…oh, well…:P)
• Dining out with close friends and talking about anything and everything about life and love
• Receiving emails or calls from friends abroad and seeing friends I haven’t seen in a long time
• Having someone tell me I look good or pumapayat ako or having people praise my accessories…yezz…vanity!
• A well taken picture of my family
• A picture with Bea and Paolo where Bea is all smiles and is looking at the camera and Paolo looks “un-abnormal”
• Actually, any developed pictures of my loved ones I love seeing…a framed family photo
• Writing an entry in my blog
• Eating a hearty breakfast – eggs, fried rice, longganisa, tocino, pancakes, etc…I just love breakfast!
• Starbucks frappuccino
• Mrs. Fields Chocolate Chip Cookies
• A Venetto pasta, pizza
  (hep, hep, hep! Ayan na naman e…bumabalik na naman sa food…hmp!)
• Making Bea and Paolo laugh
• Getting a kiss and a hug from Lui and Sabs
• Tiangge! I so love shopping in tiangges and finding super good finds!
• Finding clothes that make me look payat
• Drinking fruit shakes especially during a really hot day…
• Strolling around anywhere with Paolo, HHWW…
• Grabbing a really great piece from ukay-ukay
• Cuddling with my family the whole day
• Eating my husband’s cooking
• Reminiscing the good old days and kulitans with my siblings
• Getting a call from my kuya
• Seeing my mom laugh out loud…I rarely see or talk to her now so hearing her laughter has suddenly become sweet music to me...who would have imagined…hehe
• Giving gifts
• McDonald’s cheeseburger and fries
• Potato chips and ice cold Coke
• Going home from the office without traffic and arriving at our house no later than 630 pm
• If I do get home late, seeing Bea wake up as I enter our room, all smiles and all ready to be picked up and kissed
• Seeing Paolo lift Bea up in the air, spinning her round and round where with each turn, Bea's laughter only goes louder and shriller
• Singing out loud Eraserheads songs in the car with my sister
• Eating out with my sisters…this rarely happens now so when it does, it’s just pure bliss
• Seeing Paolo in speaking terms with his mom….this also rarely happens so when it does, it’s not only pure bliss…it’s a miracle!

Weight Alert!

I have to lose 10 lbs. by December 24! This is a goal I set for myself immediately after Bea's 1st birthday. Even if I haven't seen my photos, I knew my face is more mamonish than ever, could easily beat the size of Judy Ann Santos' face during her Mara Clara days. I never felt more fat. I don't know why really since I still fit in all the clothes I've been wearing post-partum months but I just never felt more fat. I became more conscious of my fatty thighs, my almost double chin, my fatso arms. I started longing more and more for my old body. I began looking forward to the day when I could again fit myself to size 0 or size XS. I wanted people to tell me "Pumayat ka ha!" the first time they see me after a long time and not "Oh my gosh! You so are a mommy na talaga!" (which we know is just a polite way of saying, you're fat na!). Haaaay...I just want to feel sexy again and wear my old clothes! Hence, my lose-10-lbs-by-Dec.-24 program! I shall achieve this come what may.

DISCLAIMER: Don't think Bea you also have to be a prisoner of diet when you're older. Consider my case at present an exception. I am just really fat now, 20 lbs heavier than normal, so I really have to lose them fast! And think, if I am sexier, I would be able to carry you around with ease because I don't have to carry much of my excess weight around also. Wouldn't that be great?

Bea Turns 1!

Happy Birthday to you…Happy Birthday to you…Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday…Happy Birthday to you!

Last Sunday, November 12, we celebrated your 1st birthday at where else but your mom’s favorite restaurant in Eastwood (not so much because of the food but because the waiters there are great, really nice people!) – Serye. The party was supposed to start at 3 pm and end at 6 but naturally, given it’s Filipino time, it only started almost close to 4 pm. Even your dad and I were late at your own party because I forgot to bring my wallet and digital camera as they were in my other bag. So we just dropped you off with yayi and you entered your party and greeted your guests without us. Very independent.

Of course, the preparations for your party started weeks before and naturally given I am a super mom (hehe), I did everything! From the decorations to logistics to going to Divisoria to contacting suppliers, everything! Your dad didn’t help much because you know how he is (hehe) and also because given my OC-ness, I really didn’t mind controlling everything and planning every detail.

RECEPTION VENUE: First off, I researched for places where we can hold your birthday. This took me a while and funny thing is ang bagsak ko rin pala is Serye where you had your christening reception. There actually was one location in Commonwealth that I waited a quotation from for a couple of weeks only to find out that a reservation of the place alone costs P30,000! Akala ko kasi mura. Hehehe. So ayun, Serye na nga lang.

PARTY HOST/MAGICIAN: Once I have finalized the reception venue, the next thing on my checklist is to get a terrific party host/magician. The one important quality I was looking for is someone who speaks English well and has a nice diction. An officemate of mine referred me to magician Flooch but since he was not available anymore on the 12th, he referred me to another magician. I then called up this magician and interviewed him. After talking to him though, I didn’t have a nice feeling about the guy. He seems barok, old fashioned and lacks warmth. So I then called up kiddie party for a magician and luckily they referred me to magician Dhan who was the perfect host! He was young, very warm, jolly and speaks good English. Good thing he was available and so I immediately paid him downpayment.

DECORATIONS: Since I was working on a budget, I couldn’t really afford to hire a kiddie party specialist to decorate the place. So what did I do then? What else but go to Divisoria and purchase for stuff I would use to decorate and liven up Serye. Your Loli Onggay took me to Divisoria market (as in actual palengke ha!) and there I bought 200 pcs of balloons, banners and other party effects. My initial plan really was to blow up the balloons myself using my officemate’s son’s toy pumper. But nooooooo! That didn’t work! Grabe, just blowing up one tiny balloon took me an hour ata what more 200 pcs diba! Luckily, a week before your party, your yayi discovered there’s a balloon place across St. Ignatius that pumps balloons for a fee of P50 per 100 pcs. Woooohooo! My problem seems to be solved right??! But no! When the balloons came, I didn’t expect that the balloons I bought were so huge! As in humongous that they wouldn’t all fit in our house! Waaaah! At that point I was thinking, these balloons might have just caused me P600 but I so wished then I could have just purchased the P6,000 balloon package of kiddie party! Hehehe. So, I had to do na the centerpieces ASAP or else baka ipakain sakin ng daddy mo lahat ng balloons sa bahay! In just 1 day, I made 12 table centerpieces and 4 balloon columns (I had to let air out from the balloons since super laki nga)! This was my first time to be a balloonist and surprisingly, I survived the experience! Although yun nga lang, the pieces weren’t sturdy, the columns weren’t standing straight, nakayuko na sila lahat during the party! Hehe. And what’s more jologs is it’s being held upright by stones your yayi picked up outside our house. So may lupa-lupa pa yun balloon decors mo! Hehe. But though not perfect, I still say they livened up the place. Sayang lang I didn’t get to take a picture of our place as I was making them! What a chaos that was!

OTHER TABLE DECORS: Since the theme of your party is Dora the Explorer, I printed out pictures of Dora and pasted them on barbecue sticks. These I then put up using balled up newspapers covered in orange Japanese paper and taped these on top of the tables beside the balloon centerpiece. Shucks, I hope someone from the party took a picture so we’ll have a souvenir and memory of these decor pieces (na di rin naman ata napansin ng mga guests or tinapon-tapon lang ng mga kids! Hehe)!

SOUVENIRS/LOOT BAGS: You had 2 souvenirs actually. One was a Dora plastic bag filled with Dora items like pencils, glue, stickers, stationary and another was Japanese paper wrapped gifts filled with candies your Loli Onggay bought. I put a personal touch on these candy gifts by attaching a picture of you which serves as a thank you card (“Thanks for coming to my first birthday party!”).

INVITATION: Your Tita Lori designed the above invitation for your birthday. But since I got them only after All Souls Day, the invitations I sent out to my relatives were the Dora generic invitations I bought in Divisoria. There was no time na kasi to print out Lori’s invitation as your Loli Onggay was scheduled to distribute those in the province when they went home for undas. So ayun, I just sent the customized invitation to office friends and your dad gave out print outs to your ninongs.

CAKE: Of course you had a Dora the Explorer-themed cake which your Loli Onggay bought for you. It’s chocolate and from Goldilocks. Really yummy. Serye also provided another cake from Merced Bakeshop. I didn’t get to taste this though since we gave this out to your cousins and grannies.
GAMES: I bought prizes for the games in Divisoria, mostly were toys and Dora items. Magician Dhan prepared games that were fun and educational for the kids. The pabitin I filled with biscuits and mumu toys and the piñata I also filled with candies and biscuits.
PHOTOGRAPHY/VIDEO: Gezelle, one of my former teammates, is one person I actually know (hehe) who takes superb photos! She is a terrific photographer and for the longest time, ever since I discovered this talent of hers and saw the photos she’ve taken, I admired her. She may yet to be a professional photographer but with her work she can easily be mistaken for one. Anyway, I asked her if she’ll be kind enough to take photos during your birthday and she did. Actually, I was just expecting her to take photos here and there or when asked, but noooo…The minute I came in the party, I saw her and her brother (whom she invited to help her out) following Bea around, with their SLRs pointed at her face! I didn’t realize my baby girl would be a supermodel for the day! Hahaha. It was really so nice for these siblings to do that and so cute to see Bea oblivious to the cameras. Parang she’s being followed by the paparazzi! Very Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie! Hehehe. But really, with Gezelle and her brother around, I knew that my little girl’s special day was captured greatly in photos. Thanks Gezelle!

As for video, there’s no one else in our family who’s patient enough to capture everything in video but your Tita Lori. So that’s what she did the whole time, which prompted her to miss getting a second serving of ice cream and pancit molo soup na talaga naman pinagsisihin pa niya the following Monday. Hehe.

Overall, your party was a success. Although in the morning I was really stressed, snapping your dad’s head off for being late again (in delivering all the decors and party effects), which prompted him to say everytime there is an event in our family, I always ruin it with my nagging. Hmmm…actually, he was right. That was a wake-up call for me. I never wanted to be the kind of parent who would ruin what could have been a nice day or event for the family because of hot-headedness. There really was no reason for me to shout if only I could just learn to stop worrying about trivial details, sweating the little stuff and just enjoy the day regardless if it’s not perfect or didn’t come out as planned. Okay, okay! This is definitely something I should always remind myself of. So come Christmas, you’ll see a cooler, happier mommy.

By the way, you behaved really well during the party. You still enjoy being carried by boys (your ninongs specifically) more than by girls and had crying spells here and there but nothing your mom and dad couldn’t handle. Shempre, I got harassed pa din since I had to pacify you when you were getting cranky and carry you around but everything was worthwhile. I just so love events like this when you, your dad and I can be a family and a loving one at that. If during your christening, your dad and I were just “half-baked parents”, on your first birthday, I felt we were really “full blown”. Your dad and I have become in synched on how we take care of you and attend to your needs and more attuned really to what you want and what needs to be done to appease you. Oh well, that’s just it. As time pass by, as years go by, you will not be the only one we find maturing. Your dad and I will also mature with you, as your parents and as partners.

I love you sweetie. Happy birthday again! Til your next birthday! Mwah!